No More Pinot

I'm tempted to delete than damn Sobriety Tracker app. I've restarted it so many times already and now I'm just ignoring it because if I open it up and look at it I'll be staring at a lie. In summary, I've had seven drinks in the past seven days. Four of the seven were last night alone therefore I'm typing this with a splitting headache. Last week my therapist and I tried to determine what my triggers are. We came up with nothing. Nada. I'm just a random drinker. A whimsical drunk if you will. Well, that's my interpretation. My therapist doesn't buy that of course. My therapist would congratulate me on how far I've come so far. And my fiance keeps saying, "proud of you." Never mind that he said that last night while I was downing my fourth drink. And he doesn't do sarcasm. He honestly didn't know I had been drinking. I wasn't trying to hide it either. I'm not sure how I feel about that. I'm also not sure tha...

I drank last night. I had a plan and I did it. After nine days, I was feeling good. I'm out of the daily drinking habit I told myself. Now that I've abstained for a week plus, I can start moderating. The whole way home from work I mentally crafted my new drinking plan: two drinks on Fridays, two on Saturdays, and one through the week if out to dinner or for another special occasion. I can do this I thought. But here's the thing. That first sip of wine didn't even taste that good. Neither did the second or third. But I kept drinking anyway. I finished the glass, quickly poured another, and drained that one too. And then I poured a third. Once again, I found myself so tired but forcing my body to stay awake just to finish a glass of Pinot Grigio. I didn't finish the glass though. I turned out the light and went to sleep. I tossed and turned all night and woke up feeling like s***. Alcohol sucks. I don't want to drink again. I just doesn't make sense. The n...

I'm still sober. Last night was rough, but in the end I chose bed over a drink. Cravings don't come while you're sleeping. I slept the hardest I have in a very long time, not waking once until the alarm went off this morning. This morning was better but by afternoon the cravings were back again. So for extra insurance before coming home to any empty house, I stopped at Food City on the way home from work, grabbed a mini-cart and packed it full with non-alcoholic drinks. I am not exaggerating. My receipt reads like this:  1 Mr. Q Cumber drink (I couldn't resist the cute little glass bottle) 1 Murph's Famous Bloody Mary Mix (for drinking straight not mixing) 1 Welch's Sparkling White Grape juice (I'll pretend this is Pinot Grigio) 6 pack - O'Doul's  non-alcoholic beer (the only NA beer name I recognized) 6 pack - Barritts Ginger Beer (I like Ginger Ale so why not) I cracked open the O'Doul's before I left the parking lot. An...