I'm starting to rethink this quitting cold turkey thing. I haven't had a drink in nearly 100 hours and until now I've really been okay. On Day One I was too hungover and sick to want a drink, thanks to the bender I pulled the night before. Days Two and Three had moments of cravings but I staved them off with non-alcoholic beer. (Who knew NA beer could be my saving grace?!) But tonight on the tail end of Day Four, I'm feeling some physical symptoms. My heart's been racing off and on, I have a headache, I'm tired and irritable, my chest hurts some, I'm bloated and have some waves of light nausea. And I'm home alone. And I'm a hypochondriac. Well, maybe not diagnostically speaking but the tendencies are there. What if I were to have delirium tremens and there's no one here with me to save me?! Okay, okay, yes I Googled and I know that is rare. But still. Maybe I should just have a drink tonight. I'll feel better and then I can work on tapering off or at least quitting when my soon-to-be-husband is here to support and take care of me. Or I could just go call him for support (he's so great at talking me off a ledge), drink some seltzer water, and go to bed. Joy comes in the morning, right?
I drank last night. I had a plan and I did it. After nine days, I was feeling good. I'm out of the daily drinking habit I told myself. Now that I've abstained for a week plus, I can start moderating. The whole way home from work I mentally crafted my new drinking plan: two drinks on Fridays, two on Saturdays, and one through the week if out to dinner or for another special occasion. I can do this I thought. But here's the thing. That first sip of wine didn't even taste that good. Neither did the second or third. But I kept drinking anyway. I finished the glass, quickly poured another, and drained that one too. And then I poured a third. Once again, I found myself so tired but forcing my body to stay awake just to finish a glass of Pinot Grigio. I didn't finish the glass though. I turned out the light and went to sleep. I tossed and turned all night and woke up feeling like s***. Alcohol sucks. I don't want to drink again. I just doesn't make sense. The n...

Comments
Post a Comment